My shoes are falling apart

So, today, I canceled My Gym membership. I called them up and told them they could find another perky overweight socially inept potential sucker, I'm through!
I'm taking the break up rather well.
I spent two hours on the phone trying to get some information. I finally did, after calling the machine several inappropriate names and leaving six messages.
And my shoes are falling apart.
But today has been a great day!
I guess I should yell at answering machines more often.

To the Gym!!!

I signed up for the gym today. A real nice two year gym membership. It cost a lot. A lot a lot. I don't know why I chose the most expensive plan. Probably because I'm an idiot. They guy who signed me up was probably twenty five and had the cutest brown eyes. I just sort of looked at those eyes and agreed to whatever he said. They probably saw me coming.
"Hey Joe, this one looks like one of the socially inept ones. Go get Caleb."
"But Caleb just got his foot stuck on the weight machine."
"Well, go pry him out, This one's just waiting to be hooked."
Then I come up.
"Hi! I'm a perky overweight socially inept potential sucker."
"Hi, I'm Caleb" *handsome grin*
*jaw drop*
"I'm going to need you to sign here. And here. And here."
"Sure!"
"Good. If you run out of money, I'm sure you can sell your hair, and be sure to let us know when your first born arrives, okay? okay."
I'd better get really skinny!

Speaking of idiots, I found out that an idiot is scientifically someone whose IQ is between 25 and 0. So I'm pretty much an idiot.