Oh Pook!

I bought a ring!
I had always been meaning to, and now I finally have. It is a very special ring, and I had to order it over the internet. And it came today.
I remember seeing the package in the mailbox.
I all but ran home. I rushed inside to put down all the useless bills and ads and such and started to open my package wildly. My sister came in and watched.
Finally it was open.
I pulled out my ring.
"Oh, it's..uh...nice" My sister said with a face that said 'That is the ugliest ring I've ever seen.'
And so it was, but I still loved it.
I got on a sly face and said, "Oh, but there's more."
And then the sky turned orange
And I got a giant zigzag all around me (the kind batman gets whenever he punches someone)
And really cool music started to play
And I opened the jewel on my ring!!!!!
"..."said my sister.
"Hah! You're speechless, I can see you are!"
"They have rings like that at the Shakespearean Festival." She said, and walked away.
I felt my zigzag deflate.
I had spent hours on the internet trying to find my magic ring.
And it was really ugly.
And the jewel that opened was tiny.
And when was I going to use it? I couldn't just put poison in it and assassinate someone for the fun of it. That's just rude!
That's when I started to reflect on the great muti purposes for my ring!
If I happened to be in a street fight, and I punched someone with it on, it would hurt that person really bad. Dang! It was just like I had bought a brass knuckle! (singular)
And if all else fails, I could use it as a really cool napkin ring!
all in all, I think I made a wise purchase, because just in case someone ever needed poisoning, The option was open!

meh.