Thursday, May 14, 2009

There's a nun on the loose!

So I honked at someone today.
I really shouldn't have. I've never honked at someone before. I was in sort of a shock afterwords, and suddenly started being nice to all the drivers around me.
I'm an aggressive driver. I swerve around the slow cars that only go ten over the speed limit, and tailgate sometimes. I'm a good driver, but aggressive. I've never been in a accident, but I have been pulled over once.
It was a dark and stormy night. Well, it was dark in any case. I had just finished a long and tiring rehearsal of Suor Angelica and I think it was in the wee hours of the morning when they finally let us go. I was so tired and upset, I didn't even change out of my costume before leaving. Ah! the joys of a lax costume mistress. I played a nun. Everyone in the opera was a nun. I had my wimple and my rosary beads and my habit. I was decked out. And driving carelessly.
I was on the home stretch. Just one more length of road and I was home! And then I saw it. Flashing lights. I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach as I realized that my day was about to get worse. I pulled over and waited as he did whatever it is cops do just to make you nervous. I think I even absent-mindedly played with my rosary beads as I waited, and it wasn't until the police car door opened that I realized I was still dressed as a nun. I remember watching him walk up to my car, and thinking
"He wouldn't dare give a nun a ticket!"
He looked at me.
I looked at him.
"er..." He started.
"Was I going too fast?" I asked stoically.
"Er...a little. You forgot to make a complete stop on a red light while turning right."
I entertained the idea of swearing, which, while out of character for me, was really out of character for the nun. Instead, I thought that this must be a really slow night for him, fixed him with my most nunish look and said,
He then proceeded to go about his cop duities, asking for my licence and such, and finally as he bid me a good night, I looked right into his eyes, did the sign of the cross and murmured,
"Bless you, my child."
I then rolled up my window and drove off.
When I got home, I didn't tell anyone. I was too distraught over having gotten a ticket. But now I think it's funny. I don't know why I didn't just giggle and explain why I was dressed that way. I should have. I guess something inside of me couldn't pass up the opprotunity. And now that nice officer has a story to tell his buddies on the force over dounuts.
Let it never be said that I was never spoken of in hushed, reverent tones.
I hope that officer fears for his immortal soul.


  1. Isn't it illegal to impersonate a nun? This is a hoot! Thanks for posting it!

  2. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard!!

    Playing with the rosary beads? Swearing? HAHAHAHAHA!

    You're such a clever writer, Sar. And a good actress.

  3. Oh man! I laughed so hard. I love you Sarah!!!

  4. Sarah!! I've never looked at you blog before and I'm sorry that I haven't. You're so funny! I love your posts, you make me laugh so much! Oh, and I decided that I pretty much miss you a whole ton and we need to do something together really soon. Love you!!

    Kimberly Gardner
    PS it's anonymous because I coudln't figure it out. :)