Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Only you can prevent stupidity.

They made me safety team leader at work.
First of all, BAD IDEA!!!
Second, I am probably the worst person in a emergency. But they gave me the badge, and told me that all I needed to do was attend the meetings and make sure everyone wore their safety glasses.
Not true, as it turns out.
Our Safety commander is a Nazi. Granted, a nice one.
We have been through three drills in the past two weeks. And apparently, there are more to come. I don't really mind, only I wish I knew exactly what I was supposed to be doing. About a week ago, I heard my name on the intercom, and, puzzled, I met up with six or seven other people who are on the safety team. Our safety commandant...er...commander then marched us into a meeting room and stood us against the wall.
I felt like I was on the losing side of a firing squad.
In front of me was a sleek mahogany table lined with ties. Well, people wearing them, but it's the ties that scared me the most. I felt I was being stared down by the people running the place, and I all the sudden wished I hadn't worn my charlie the unicorn shirt.
Then they started to ask us questions. And they weren't questions they were asking, they were questions they were demanding. What was the weirdest to me, was that everyone else knew just what to say. I had only been a safety person for three months at that point, and had only gone over the basics. When it came my turn, I was scared stiff.
"When you radio in, who do you contact?!!!"
"Er...the person on the other end of the conversation."
Well, it made sense at the time. I didn't know the persons name. The kindly Nazi jumped to my rescue.
"That's right, and your supervisor."
I then shrank back in shame. When it came time for my turn again, I was determined to get it right.
"How do you sweep the building?!!!"
It was irresistible.
"With a broom!"

...so it turns out the people who run the mill don't have a sense of humor.
Either way, the meeting that ensued afterward consisted of our leader telling us (me) that we needed more practice on our procedure.
"After all," says he, "We never know then there will be an earthquake or a fire, or even a terrorist bomb!"
Because, as we all know, terrorists sit in their lairs (or whatever it is terrorists plot in) and discuss what to terrorize next.
"We could bomb a air base!"
"No! we could bomb the White House!"
"No!! I have it! We could bomb *dramatic pause* A CLOTHING MILL!! BWAHAHAHA!!"
(Because that's how terrorists laugh.)
"Yes! That'll bring this country to it's knees!!"

Anyway, if there actually does turn out to be a terror threat on my sewing mill, I'll let you know. meanwhile, I encourage you all to watch this movie


There's um...some swearing, but it's kinda funny.
It reminds me of a later meeting, when the boss said he thought it would be fun to have a guy with a gun come in, as a simulation.
That got a great reception.


  1. I'm still giggling about your charlie the unicorn shirt.
    Great post.


  3. With a broom! Of course! Why don't they understand that? :-D

    That fire flick was funny. You should do that.

  4. The reason they gave you the badge is the same reason they gave dad the t-shirt. So they know who to shoot when either the plan fails or the enemy wins! Either way, you're the fall guy!

  5. Oops, I'm using Sarah's account, but It's really me (Mom). That's OK we share everything. right Sarah?

  6. This is great Sarah! Although, you may want to note that it isn't just terrorists who laugh that way. There are also Demons, Cartoon Villains, and one of my co-workers (nice guy). I love the Blog. please keep posting.

  7. You know how to write humor!