Thursday, April 23, 2009

Darn Tigers!

I love Tigers. They've always been my favorite animal. Probably because everything in the universe was pushing me toward Lions. Oh, you're a Leo! That's a Lion thing! Oh, Your elementary school were the Lions! That's a Lion thing! Oh, you were born in August! That's a Lion thing! Oh! You're name is Sarah! I'll bet that's a Lion thing too! Lion Lion Lion!!!!
During all of this, there was that quiet yet deadly tigress in the corner who, because the noise level had reached above it's tolerance for cleaning it's paws, looks up at all of the lions circling me and non nonchalantly purrs,
"Leave the kid alone."
After which the lions run with their tails between their legs. Oh yeah! I hero-worship the tiger. I always imagine that if I came face to face with one, it would end up like the Jungle Book, (live action) where they would accept me as one of their own and teach me all of their tiger secrets. I'd grow stripes too, because...that's really cool. Although if I really came face to face with one, I probably have to leave my face behind.
I even remember reading about Lions and Tigers and finding something that said: If a Lion and a Tiger were to fight, the Tiger would probably win. HA! Take that!
Anyway, my whole point starts like this:
I drink tea. Herbal tea, and no, it's not as bad as you may think. Fruit tea is actually pretty good, and I have this apple cinnamon that tastes like cider. Call me old fashioned, but it also gives me an excuse to speak in a British accent and give impossibly long monologues on nothing at all, and I never pass up a chance to do that.
Anyway, I found this herbal tea that had a big tiger on the front of the package. So I picked it up and read on the back that with every package bought, the company gave a donation to the preservation of tigers.
Immediately, I imagined what the world will be like in ten years, overrun with animals, dying for revenge on the humans. I would be surrounded by wild animals, and I'd pull out the well worn package as proof that I had tried to help them. Then the Tigress would look at me and tell all the others
"Leave the kid alone."
I nearly dropped the box. That would be sooooooo coooool. I mean, besides all of the dying going on in the background.
Needless to say, I bought the tea. I went home. I made the tea. I let it seep. I took a sip.
It is so so gross.
I say this very hesitantly, as I might offend my tigress protector.
It tastes like bamboo with lots of sugar. And dirty socks
I'm still drinking it, though. I just took another sip. Yeah, it's still pretty nasty.
I will probably still drink the entire box, because I love Tigers, but I'm starting to have second thoughts. I mean, I've never tasted any lion flavored tea, who knows?
It's not the tigers fault, I know that.

It'll all be worth it when the animals take over.


  1. So let me get this straight. Sher Khan vs. Scar. Sher Khan wins? Please! Scar eats his adorable nephew for breakfast, and Sher Khan can't stand up to a nine year old boy!

    I shall have to try this tea of which you speak. (Try pomegranate, it's my favorite)

  2. Sarah you are such a hoot! Ummm, I wonder where you got it from. You are amazing!

  3. I think the sher khan vs scar must be thought of more as an actor thing. George Saunders vs Jeremy Iorns. I think we alllllll know that George Saunders would not only whip, but potentially mame Jeremy Iorns just by looking at him

  4. Good grief... Jeremy Iorns? All this time I thought it was Christopher Lloyd who did the voice for scar. Where have I been?